Kobold Wedding
by fanwriter11
Summary: Just a short oneshot in response to Laura tweeting about Lief the Kobold.


"Excuse me, you want me to what?" Laura asked, desperately wishing that she had misunderstood the kobold.

"For a human you are charming and polite so you are going to be my child-bride. I am looking for a real bride actually, but you are way too tiny for that." Lief repeated.

"Oh crap! And just so we are clear, if I refuse you are probably going to kill me, right?" Laura slowly backtracked, trying to figure out whether just turning around and running back in the direction she came from would be a smart move. Considering the paths seemed to have changed again it did not seem to be a good option. Carmilla was going to kill her.

The kobold just laughed. "You are going to be my child-bride. You can't refuse. If I decide to make you my child-bride then that is what you are. Nobody knows this cave better than I do. The paths do what I want. You cannot flee. So just accept the honor. It is done."

"My friends will be here soon. Carmilla will be here soon. There is no way in hell or Hogwarts I am going to be your bride-slave-whatever."

"Stop it child. You are going to be my bride. Your friends will never find you."

Laura had enough, she turned around and ran, right into the next path she saw. Liefs laugh followed her. "You can run as much as you want little human, you cannot escape." The laugh turned into a creepy giggle. Strangely, the farther Laura ran, the louder the giggle seemed to become. When she turned around a corner she found herself back to the place where she had tea with leaf. The kobold was still there and continued to laugh at her. "You might as well stay tiny human. There is no way out for you."

Suddenly there was a loud growl behind Laura. Lief shrieked. Laura smirked. She had heard that growl before. And sure enough, when the giant black cat appeared the kobold seemed to shrink to half its size, while Laura relaxed for the first time since the "proposal". Behind Carmilla, LaFontaine (sans eyebrows - what happend?) and Perry appeared, both keeping a respectable distance to the giant black cat and warily eying the kobold. Perry grabbed Lauras arm. "Let's go Laura. We don't know how to kill it, neither does your girlfriend, so for the love of all that is normal let's just go before it regains it confidence and tries to attack. Carmilla will try to keep it away." Laura let herself be pulled and stumbled back into the path. LaFontaine followed suite, while Carmilla slowly backtracked, facing the kobold and still growling. "But wait you guys, this path only leads back to this place. We can't leave!"

"Laura, you were dealing with a kobold. Tricking people is what they do. We followed you here on this path and we will take it back now. Just follow us!" LaFontaine seemed to grow slighly impatient. They walked in silence. After a few kilometers the growling finally stopped and Carmilla appeared behind them, back to her human form. She looked beyond pissed off. LaFontaine and Perry subtly moved away, clearly relieved to not have to deal with an angry vampire anymore.

"You idiot! What did you think to accomplish by wandering off on your own?! You could have been killed! We have been following you for two days, and instead of telling us where you are you keep stumbling around, twittering and trusting KOBOLDS. And worst of all, you left me with ginger twins here. What were you thinking?"

"I… I am sorry. I don't know what got into me. I was so cold and when I woke up for some reason I just had to explore. As if something was pulling me into the caves"

"Something pulled you alright. I swear, I am putting you on a leash, as soon as I get my hands on one. I can only keep you safe when you are near me. I can't keep wondering where my girlfriend has wandered off to."

"…you said girlfriend."

"That is all you got from what I just said?" Suddenly Carmilla seemed somewhat flustered. "Yes, girlfriend." The vampire's voice grew softer and she took Lauras hands into hers. "Now please, stop befriending monsters, if not for your own safety than for the safety of the ginger twins. I spend half of the rescue mission stopping them from killing themselves because of their stupidity. One day I might not be fast enough."

"Though I befriended you… and that turned out alright, wouldn't you say?" Laura asked, subtly moving closer to Carmilla.

"Well… then stop befriending monsters who are trying to kill you." Carmilla whispered and kissed her. And kissed her some more.

Laura interrupted the kiss: "technically he wasn't trying to kill me though. He just wanted me to be his wife."

"Cupcake, you really need to learn when to stop talking."


End file.
